Promoting Expressions of Care... Or... Where Has Mister Rogers Gone?

My daughter posted this You Tube feed and it really touched me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXEuEUQIP3Q&feature=player_embedded

 

Mister Rogers Defending PBS to the US Senate in 1969

I admit that in my house we occasionally made fun of Mister Roger's sappy low-budgeted show, and laughed as Eddie Murphy spoofed 'Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood' on SNL, but there was something warm and comforting about watching Mister Roger's Neighborhood.   More importantly, there were kids from disadvantaged and troubled homes who needed his soothing, reassuring love and constant commitment.

This clip shows Fred Rogers passionately championing public television and the need to promote "Expressions of Care" while demonstrating that angry feelings can be "reasonable and manageable."  My daughter (in her 20's) who grew up watching Sesame Street, Reading Rainbow, and the occasional Mister Rogers, wrote the following reaction: "As a child watching his programming, I didn't quite realize how profound that man was, but man did we loose a leading light when he died."

Just look, listen and feel his passion!  It is breathtaking.  Where are our champions today?

Let's talk about bullying. It's time to model and teach our bullies more appropriate expressions of conflict while empowering their victims to speak up and not feel embarrassed.  Gifted kids should not need to hide their gifts for fear of ridicule.  New kids, kids of different ethnicities, sizes, and colors.  Rich kids, poor kids, just plain different kids should not feel they have to hide who they are. My kids, for example, should not have had to attend Johns Hopkins University's CTY (Center for Talented Youth) to feel like they belonged. Their schools and clubs should have been able to. Schools, athletic teams, social clubs need to focus on social as well as academic or athletic goals. We need to teach our kids to how to effectively communicate needs and desires and to feel compassion for those who may not be like them.  There are two blogs I came across that do just this, you may want to take a look at them:

• http://becomingsupermommy.blogspot.com/2010/10/bullying-and-sexual-identity-parenting.html?showComment=1298998969920#c610541541713008769 
• www.dorkoids.com 

Now let's talk about graphic novels, and violence:  Fredrick Wertham published Seduction of the Innocent (1954) which protested the harmful effects violent imagery in mass media and comic books had on children. [Ironically, the early superhero comics were about standing up to bullies and fighting for the voices of the 'little guys'.] Wertham called television "a school for violence" and his book helped spark a U.S. Congressional inquiry into the comic book industry that led to the "Comics Code."   Comic book publishers were to submit their works to the CAA (Comics Code Authority) and those "acceptable" publications would receive a seal of approval.  This almost killed the comics industry until recently.  Now authors, publishers and readers are finding that comics are not just for adults and there are some truly wonderful, nonviolent fiction and nonfiction publications for kids of all ages.

Yes, there are still violent graphic novels published.  There are also very violent novels, movies, plays, music and music videos published and produced as well.  It is up to us to promote the positive messages and argue the negative ones. 

The Answer as I see it: We need to validate angry feelings while modeling and nurturing appropriate acceptable means of expression.  And while Rodgers' puppetry, educational /video clips, even his clothing are now way outdated, his message should not be.  We need to promote "expressions of care" in the way we behave, in how we communicate, in the shows we watch, the books we read and the songs we sing.

What we can do as parents and teachers:

• It is really important to validate feelings.  
• If your child or student is angry, insulted, upset, embarrassed, overanxious, etc. acknowledge those feelings - even if you feel they are unwarranted.
• IF  unwarranted, first, calm him or her down.  Once calm, talk in a soothing voice pointing out concrete examples of why he or she may be overreacting.  Listen carefully to what they are saying.  Continue to acknowledge their feelings while discussing other possibilities.
• For a young child, help him or her express feelings.  You may want to role play responses (with puppets, dolls, legos, train characters - whatever they will best relate to, find 'fun,' and least threatening).
• Brainstorm possible solutions and ways to respond.  For a young child who is reluctant to talk about this, you may want to role play with puppets or dolls.  When role playing help show your child how to use their words.
• When brainstorming, or as a followup, you may want to discuss favorite book, movie, television characters who have dealt with similar issues.  Discuss how they resolved the problem.  Did it really help? Why? Can the strategy work for your child?
• These discussions should be held privately with your child or student.  They can then be discussed later, more generically in the classroom as a whole - possibly using story characters (so students involved are not embarrassed or further upset).
• If the problem continues, you may want to seek further help from school or medical professionals.
• If you see bullying, name calling, shoving, break it up.  Don't let it go.  Talk to the parties involved.  
• In your classroom do a lot of group work, mixing up students - helping them learn to work (and hopefully) respect each other a bit more.  Supervise group work carefully, monitoring dialogue between frequently targeted kids whenever possible.
• If you find your child has been bullied, talk to him or her about it.  Talk to the teacher or responsible adults (coaches, playground/cafeteria supervisors - where appropriate). 

These are only a few suggestions.  I'd love to hear what you do.  Let me know how you are promoting expressions of care with your kids.  Let me know how you are dealing with violence and bullying.  Let's learn from each other while supporting each other - while shaping future Fred Rogers'!