Delayed Gratification and Impulse Control

From: bruceavery.me

In a recent post written at the beginning of this year I unabashedly gave four pieces of unsolicited advice (the best or the worst kind depending on your perspective- you can see for yourself at Advice...). One of my suggestions was:

"Help your kids learn to Delay Gratification: Our world moves so quickly.  Something happens, we immediately respond. Someone upsets you, you tweet about it or post something on Facebook. The problem is that as a result, kids in particular make bad decisions because they act reflexively - because they can, and don't necessarily think things through..."  

In this post, I hope to relay why this is so important and what parents can do to help.

To begin with...A person's ability to delay gratification relates to their ability to recognize the rewards of patience and waiting, while at the same time being able to practice impulse control, self control, willpower and self-regulation.

Why It's so Important: This demand for immediate attention, immediate results, immediate reinforcement and immediate gratification is prevalent everywhere:

• In my writing courses, my students frequently and impulsively press 'send' spending little to no time editing their work. As a result it often contains careless errors in spelling, grammar, sentence structure and word usage that detract from the often insightful comments they are trying to make.  Slowing down, editing, and attending to details before sending off the work (delaying the gratification that it's over and they can move on) can make a huge difference.
• Research shows that children who learn to delay gratification are better able to complete assignments (McComas, Jennifer J., Rehfeldt, Ruth Anne, Stromer, Robert. (2000) Designing interventions that include delayed reinforcement: implications of recent laborator Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis. 33, 359-371.)
• Often when bored and frustrated we eat to 'feel better' when sometimes instead of eating we should be waiting, or simply doing something we prefer not to do. Learning not to give in to immediate urges and needs can help.
• The need or demand for immediate gratification results in tantrums that might have been avoided.  This is true not only for young children. We increasingly see articles about inappropriate responses and demands for immediate attention in school and in the workplace. 

From: european-american.blogspot.com

Learning to delay gratification as children will help our kids as they navigate, home, school, social and work-related situations.

Teaching kids to stop, think, and delay reactions (and gratification) may stop them from impulsive mistakes they may later regret.

What Parents and Teachers Can do:

• Sometimes we have to say, "NO" - for more on this see: "Yes..when"...The Antidote for Parent-Child Power Struggles
• Help children learn to wait.  For young children this is often difficult to do, and to help them learn to wait (and avoid tantrums), you can tell them "no" but offer other, more appropriate alternatives.
• Model delayed gratification.  When things move too slowly or you don't receive what you want to receive, model how to more appropriately deal with delays and frustration.  For me, driving and getting stuck in traffic is the most difficult time to model these appropriate responses - I often shout to the vehicles in front of me - of course only my kids hear...and while I feel better, they don't and in those cases I am not practicing what I preach.  The point is that modeling appropriate responses and how to gracefully accept delays is really important.
• Reward and praise your children when they do control their impulses and behave appropriately. 
• Instead of always buying "extra's" for your child, pick one special item that you will help them save up for.  They can earn money from the Tooth Fairy, from doing extra chores around the house, and/or from saving allowance.
• Talk to them about the importance of waiting gracefully and/or accepting disappointments. After movies, when traveling, after reading books when this occurs, talk about it.  Talk about the frustrations characters experience and the different ways the frustration can and should be handled.

Here are a few of my favorite books and graphic novels where the characters must delay gratification and as such are excellent books to help begin these conversations, and model appropriate responses:

From: http://marvel.com/comic

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum - all ages (the book - illustrated by W.W. Denslow as well as the new graphic novel illustrated by Eric Shanower and Skottie Young - published by Marvel) is an outstanding example of how Dorothy must face challenges, fears and disappointments before returning to Kansas (not to mention the Wizard who must also wait).  In addition to simply reading this and discussing the need (and rewards) of delayed gratification, you may also want to read the original and the graphic novel and talk with your kids about the differences between the prose text and graphic novel stories.

 Rust: Visitor in the Field by Royden Lepp (Grades 4+). This graphic novel is about Roman Taylor who struggles to keep his family's small farm from failing after a war which took his father.

From: firstsecondbooks.com

Resistance, Defiance and Victory  by Carla Jablonski and Leland Purvis (Grades 5+) - a graphic novel trilogy is about life in occupied France during World War II.  The main characters must decide whether to collaborate with the Germans (to gain 'favors') or delay gratification and face rationing of supplies as well as struggle through the war without knowing whether their father has survived. Not only does this trilogy deal with delayed gratification, it also is a wonderful (historical) fiction story that accurately relates life in France in the late 1930's to early 1940's.

Americus by NJ Reed and Jonathan Hill (Grades 6+) is about a boy who has to wait to read a coveted book (which his mother is trying to ban from the library).

From: csmonitor.com

A Wrinkle in Time  by Madeline L'Engle (Grades 5+) available in prose text as well as graphic novel - is about teenager Meg Murry who along with her brother Charles Wallace and friend Calvin O'Keefe are transported through a "tesseract" (a fifth-dimensional wrinkle in time) to rescue their father.  Feel free to go to this link for lesson plan suggestions: Science Fiction: Skills, Chills and Thrills

.
Zita Space Girl by Ben Hatke (Grade 3+) is a graphic novel about Zita who must travel to another world to rescue her friend Joseph whom she inadvertently sent through first. She must go through various trials and obstacles before finding him ad responsibly bringing  him back to their world.

From: childrensbookalmanac.com

Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes (Grades 5+) is about a budding silversmith apprentice in Colonial Boston who suffers a debilitating accident and must slowly discover a new path and fate.  Along the way he finds himself embroiled in the American Revolution.  Not only is the book about how Johnny faces mounting disappointments, it accurately reflects life in Colonial Boston.

Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse (Grade 4+)  is also about a child, in this case a girl, who suffers a debilitating accident shortly after the death of her mother, and here too learns to face life's harsh lessons with patience and grace.  This novel is written solely in prose and poetry and the author's use of language is breathtaking.


There are also fairy tales about delayed gratification you can discuss: Hansel and Gretel (where Hansel just cannot help himself and he begins eating at  evil witch's house) getting them into all sorts of trouble is one such story.

Delaying gratification is an issue we must wrestle with all our lives.  Helping our children develop coping skills and impulse control will help them now and throughout their lives.

How do you help your kids with this issue?  Please share this in the comments.

In the meantime, thank you for your visit and your shared comments.

The Very Best of 2011 Kids' Graphic Novels with Links and Excerpts!

As 2011 draws to a close, it's time to share my list of 2011's "Very Best" graphic novels for kids (although I LOVED them and last time I checked, I was considered - by most- to be an adult).  I am only a recent avid fan, and I rationalize my newly found passion by the fact that in the last few years this industry has exploded with diverse, quality, works that MUST be included in homes, schools, and libraries. I have included books with intelligent content, and quality art and prose.

So here are my recommendations (note that I have also included accessible web sites that either deal with important issues or have online previews and excerpts):

FOR KIDS 4-8

Bake Sale by Sara Varon weaves a salivating tale of friendship, chemistry, and baking, and marching bands. It is about friends using creative ideas to help each other with life's dreams and unavoidable obstacles. Life's solutions (at least in this book) revolve around baking. There are seven recipes from classic cupcakes and cookies to sugared flower petals to marzipan.  It is wonderfully heart-warming and creative. Please see this YouTube clip for more about the book.

Gunnerkrigg Court by Tom Siddell is a series of books about Antimony Carver, a girl with special talents attending a strange school called Gunnerkrigg Court.  It is a fictional school in a fictional world and the story weaves political intrigue, science, fantasy and mythology into a beautifully (verbally and visually) told story.  The books are published by Arehaia Studios Press but the stories are updated online three days a week at Gunnerkrkigg Court.
 
Nursery Rhyme Comics edited by Chris Duffy is a compilation of nursery rhymes classics retold by 50 of today's most talented cartoonists and illustrators.  Each rhyme is one to three pages long, simply paneled and lettered for an easy read for all ages, and each one isa feast for the eyes and mind.

Squish:  Super Amoeba by Jennifer and Matthew Holm is about the world of single-celled friends (Squish, Peggy and Pod) and as they navigate school, bullies and life.  It is wonderfully creative and these ameoba and paramecium move and interact with their environment in a very creative (and relatively true to life) way.  It is a great introduction to pond life and the single-celled world and a great way to discuss fact, fiction, and an author's use of both to tell a story.  I just loved this book and recommend it for home and school use. They have a second book out already (Squish:  Brave New Pond) with a third one coming out soon "Squish:  The Power of the Parasite"
 
Zita Space Girl by Ben Hatke -  invites the reader from the first panel.  Art and story are incredibly engaging for kids of all ages.  This is a great book to read aloud or have your child read on their own.  It is about Zita who knows she shouldn't touch an unidentified object while walking with her friend Joseph, but she just can't resist.  (Sound like any child you know?).  Even with Jacob's warning, she touches it and sending Jacob to another universe.  She knows she must go to rescue him and embarks on the adventure of her life. For more details see my previous post which has a YouTube video clip excerpting this book.



FOR KIDS 8-12
Amelia Rules by Jimmy Gownley is a funny, witty, intelligent series of books that follow Amelia as she adjusts to life in a new town after her parents' divorce.  These books deal with issues of friendship, loyalty, school, various family life issues, and social ' belonging' issues.  Gownley shows (not tells) kids how they can navigate life's lessons in a wonderfully fun, supportive and empowering way, while dealing with very real issues.  It is one of the best kid's book I've read in a long time. In 2011 alone, four different Amelia books have been published - the are ALL SUPERB and well worth the read.  Here is a YouTube video excerpt from one of the Amelia books.

Anya's Ghost by Vera Brosgol is a story about how a ghost (named Emily) who is 'rescued' by Anya when she falls down a well, helps Anya deal with the awkward teen years.  She helps Anya address her self consciousness about her looks, her friends and being popular, with Anya's embarrassment of her family (they are very ethnic), and with her rebellious, confused emotions.  It is a lovely coming of age book. Here are the first 17 pages of the book, courtesy of First Second Books.

City of Spies by Susan Kim and Laurence Klaven depicts life in the summer of 1942.  Evelyn's dad is getting remarried and he sends her to her aunt's house in New York City. Evelyn discovers herself and with the help of Tony, the super's son, they uncover a German spy ring after seeing newsreels asking citizens to help in the war effort.  It is exciting, empowering, and a lovely coming of age story. Here are 8 pages from the book, courtesy of First Second Books.

Resistance (2010) and Resistance Book 2: Defiance (2011) by Carla Jablonski & Leland Purvis is a story about World War II from the perspective of  a boy, Paul Tessier and his family.  In Book 1 the Tessiers have to decide how to live under German occupation as they weigh their options of joining the French Resistance, remaining 'neutral', or sympathizing with the Germans (in the hope of more and better rations and privileges). They also must decide whether to help Paul's best friend, a Jew.  In book 2 Defiance the story continues. Paul is now 14 and he still wrestles with helping his beloved torn France. Please view some excerpt pages.

Rust:  Visitor in the Field by Royden Lepp is a gripping story of Roman Taylor who struggles in a world similar to ours (which looks a lot like dust-bowl Oklahoma) to save his family's small farm which was devastated by a war.  One day a boy with a jet pack lands in the field and Romam begins to discover the secrets of Jet's past as he develops greater hopes for the future.  This is really a story for young teens, older teens and adults, which I reluctantly place here.  20th Century Fox has already picked up the rights to this awesome story.  Please check out these preview pages.

The Olympians (Zeus, Athena, Hera) by George O'Connor are a collection of books on Greek mythology.  The latest is Hera.  The story is true to classic Greek myth, and the illustrations and panel /page arrangements are breathtaking.  Greek myths truly come alive in this series and it is a GREAT bet for any kids interested in Greek mythology. Note that Hades is the fourth book coming out in 2012.  I saw a galley and it is spectacular as well.  Also note that each book comes with suggested lesson plans, suggested supplemental reading lists, and a family tree of the Greek gods.  Please view the first 12 pages, courtesy of First Second Books.



For 12+
Americus written by MK Reed and illustrated by Jonathan Hill is about a book-loving boy from Americus, a small town in Oklahoma who eagerly awaits the latest edition of his favorite fantasy series starring a young sorceress who hunts monsters and tyrants.  Trouble arises with a movement to ban it from the library.  This book deals head on with book-banning in a sensitive, honest manner. The book appeared first on the web (and while now only available in print, this is a very cool link that deals with book banning), and is now available in book form.  Here is a 13-page preview for those interested (compliments of the publisher, First Second Books).


Feynman written by Jim Ottaviani and illustrated by Leland Myrick visually and verbally illustrates Richard Feynman's life from his childhood in Long Island NY to his college days at MIT to his work on the Manhattan Project, career at Cornell and CalTech,  his dramatic exposure of the Challenger disaster, his work on quantum electrodynamics and his antics in art and music (bongo drums).   This work is  an adaptation of Feynman's books ("Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman" and "What Do You Care WHat Other People Think?" are two of my all-time favorite books) which are also well work a read. No science background is required for these books, although it may help with some sections. Here is a slide show excerpt of the book. 

The Silence of Our Friends by Mark Long, Jim Demonakos and Nate Powell is a semi-autobiographical story (about one of the author's father) who was a "Race Reporter" in Texas, 1976.  It is actually not out until January 17, 2012, but is available on Amazon for preorder. I was given a galley to read and it is powerfully honest, sensitive, and does a spectacular job relaying a very complicated, troubled time in our history. It is the story of prejudice, humiliation, degradation and a living testament of the growing civil rights movement in Houston Texas.  It talks about families who try to do the right thing, raise their kids' "right", make mistakes, but mostly make an effort to find the right path in a questioning time. Here is a preview - 13 pages from the book.  It is sensitive, smart, and honest.  A must read!


Honorable mentions from previous years:

Anne Frank:  The Anne Frank House Authorized Graphic Biography by Sid Jacobson and Ernie Colon.  The authors infuse this authorized biography with relevant history and perspective as Anne's story is retold.  It is an excellent read in which World War II and the Holocaust come alive, and lives lost all to early are remembered. 


Drawing Words and Writing Pictures by Jessica Abel and Matt Madden is a GREAT gift/book idea.  I recommend it for kids ages 12+.  It is actually written as a course and has won multiple awards including: BCCB Recommended Title, Publisher's Weekly Comics Week Best Comic of the Year. I has chapters on lettering, story structure, and panel layout and comes with homework, extra credit activities and supplemental reading suggestions.


I Kill Giants by Joe Kelly - a superb book about fifth grader Barbara who kills giants - we just don't know if she really kills giants, thinks she kills giants but is living (or retreating) to a fantasy world, or if this is a metaphor for something greater.  Please see previous blog post that illustrates how graphic novels like I Kill Giants are not only enteratining, but actually help shape inference skills and critical thinking (it has some excerpts from the book as well).

Laika  by Nick Abadzis tells the story of Laika, the first sentient being sent into space by the Russians and of the political posturing of the 1950's space race.  Please see a previous blog post of mine for more details.


Mouse Guard by David Petersen  Please see a previous blog post of mine for more details on this and other great reads.  It is the story of Medieval Mouse times.  It is already a classic work, the art and story are spectacular and it is well worth your time.

The Sons of Liberty by Alexander and Joseph Lagos tells the story of Colonial America with a bit of a twist as two young run-away slaves are are left with superpowers as the result of an encounter with Ben Franklin's son who was experimenting with electricity.  This is the first story of a series and is wonderfully engaging.

The United States Constitution Please my December 5, 2011 post for more details about this truly outstanding publication which seeming effortlessly describes the United States Constituion (Preamble and Amendments) as well as providing background and perspective to this work of genius.

Tribes: The Dog Years by Michael Geszel and Peter Spinetta, art by Inaki Miranda is an outstanding science fiction adventure that considers the effect of a medical research lab's experiment with nano virus' gone awry.  While there is some violence (hence the older age guideline) the story and art are spectacular and worth the read (for older kids and ALL adults).  Please see  my previous blog post for details as well as this post dealing with Tribes and social cognition.  Here is a great YouTube post trailer for Tribes: The Dog Years that is spectacular and shows you Inaki Miranda's spectacular art. 

This is a long posting, but these are all spectacular books that I fell passionately about.  Please leave some of your passionate suggestions as well - or questions.