Promoting Expressions of Care... Or... Where Has Mister Rogers Gone?

My daughter posted this You Tube feed and it really touched me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXEuEUQIP3Q&feature=player_embedded

 

Mister Rogers Defending PBS to the US Senate in 1969

I admit that in my house we occasionally made fun of Mister Roger's sappy low-budgeted show, and laughed as Eddie Murphy spoofed 'Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood' on SNL, but there was something warm and comforting about watching Mister Roger's Neighborhood.   More importantly, there were kids from disadvantaged and troubled homes who needed his soothing, reassuring love and constant commitment.

This clip shows Fred Rogers passionately championing public television and the need to promote "Expressions of Care" while demonstrating that angry feelings can be "reasonable and manageable."  My daughter (in her 20's) who grew up watching Sesame Street, Reading Rainbow, and the occasional Mister Rogers, wrote the following reaction: "As a child watching his programming, I didn't quite realize how profound that man was, but man did we loose a leading light when he died."

Just look, listen and feel his passion!  It is breathtaking.  Where are our champions today?

Let's talk about bullying. It's time to model and teach our bullies more appropriate expressions of conflict while empowering their victims to speak up and not feel embarrassed.  Gifted kids should not need to hide their gifts for fear of ridicule.  New kids, kids of different ethnicities, sizes, and colors.  Rich kids, poor kids, just plain different kids should not feel they have to hide who they are. My kids, for example, should not have had to attend Johns Hopkins University's CTY (Center for Talented Youth) to feel like they belonged. Their schools and clubs should have been able to. Schools, athletic teams, social clubs need to focus on social as well as academic or athletic goals. We need to teach our kids to how to effectively communicate needs and desires and to feel compassion for those who may not be like them.  There are two blogs I came across that do just this, you may want to take a look at them:

• http://becomingsupermommy.blogspot.com/2010/10/bullying-and-sexual-identity-parenting.html?showComment=1298998969920#c610541541713008769 
• www.dorkoids.com 

Now let's talk about graphic novels, and violence:  Fredrick Wertham published Seduction of the Innocent (1954) which protested the harmful effects violent imagery in mass media and comic books had on children. [Ironically, the early superhero comics were about standing up to bullies and fighting for the voices of the 'little guys'.] Wertham called television "a school for violence" and his book helped spark a U.S. Congressional inquiry into the comic book industry that led to the "Comics Code."   Comic book publishers were to submit their works to the CAA (Comics Code Authority) and those "acceptable" publications would receive a seal of approval.  This almost killed the comics industry until recently.  Now authors, publishers and readers are finding that comics are not just for adults and there are some truly wonderful, nonviolent fiction and nonfiction publications for kids of all ages.

Yes, there are still violent graphic novels published.  There are also very violent novels, movies, plays, music and music videos published and produced as well.  It is up to us to promote the positive messages and argue the negative ones. 

The Answer as I see it: We need to validate angry feelings while modeling and nurturing appropriate acceptable means of expression.  And while Rodgers' puppetry, educational /video clips, even his clothing are now way outdated, his message should not be.  We need to promote "expressions of care" in the way we behave, in how we communicate, in the shows we watch, the books we read and the songs we sing.

What we can do as parents and teachers:

• It is really important to validate feelings.  
• If your child or student is angry, insulted, upset, embarrassed, overanxious, etc. acknowledge those feelings - even if you feel they are unwarranted.
• IF  unwarranted, first, calm him or her down.  Once calm, talk in a soothing voice pointing out concrete examples of why he or she may be overreacting.  Listen carefully to what they are saying.  Continue to acknowledge their feelings while discussing other possibilities.
• For a young child, help him or her express feelings.  You may want to role play responses (with puppets, dolls, legos, train characters - whatever they will best relate to, find 'fun,' and least threatening).
• Brainstorm possible solutions and ways to respond.  For a young child who is reluctant to talk about this, you may want to role play with puppets or dolls.  When role playing help show your child how to use their words.
• When brainstorming, or as a followup, you may want to discuss favorite book, movie, television characters who have dealt with similar issues.  Discuss how they resolved the problem.  Did it really help? Why? Can the strategy work for your child?
• These discussions should be held privately with your child or student.  They can then be discussed later, more generically in the classroom as a whole - possibly using story characters (so students involved are not embarrassed or further upset).
• If the problem continues, you may want to seek further help from school or medical professionals.
• If you see bullying, name calling, shoving, break it up.  Don't let it go.  Talk to the parties involved.  
• In your classroom do a lot of group work, mixing up students - helping them learn to work (and hopefully) respect each other a bit more.  Supervise group work carefully, monitoring dialogue between frequently targeted kids whenever possible.
• If you find your child has been bullied, talk to him or her about it.  Talk to the teacher or responsible adults (coaches, playground/cafeteria supervisors - where appropriate). 

These are only a few suggestions.  I'd love to hear what you do.  Let me know how you are promoting expressions of care with your kids.  Let me know how you are dealing with violence and bullying.  Let's learn from each other while supporting each other - while shaping future Fred Rogers'!

Helping Kids Deal With Violence

I am of the original Saturday Night Live Generation and one skit in particular from "Weekend Update" has come to mind these last few weeks.  The character is Emily Litella (played by the incredibly talented Gilda Radner), an editorial responder who is passionate about her opinions which are never quite right.  In this particular skit "Violins on Television"



http://www.hulu.com/watch/2364/saturday-night-live-weekend-update-emily-litella-on-violins

Emily responds asking what is wrong with violins on television pointing out the benefits of exposing kids to classical music. When she finds out that the station's editorial was about restricting violence on televion and not violins, she pauses, smiles and says, "never mind." Unfortunately, while this is quite funny, violence on television, in books, and in life is not.

This past year my son's best friend's father was one of seven people shot and killed in cold blood at his workplace by a disgruntled employee.  There was brief national coverage and this calamity was forgotten except by those touched by the tragedy.  Earlier this month again, the nation reeled from the violent shooting of Congresswoman Gavrielle Gifford and 18 others, and again, the debate has surfaced on how to control violence (and mental health) in our lives.

Over these past few months I have been wrestling with the question of media control of violence - both as a result of these violent deaths and because I have been recently been researching and advocating for the use of comics and graphic novels (bound comics - not the sexually graphic adult novels) in the classroom which in the 1950's were restricted by a Congressional Panel.

In 1954 psychiatrist Fredric Wertham wrote a book called Seduction of the Innocent which claimed that the overt and covert depictions of violence, sex, and drug use in mystery, superhero and horror comic books encouraged similar behavior in children.  This publication led to a U.S. Congressional inquiry into the comic book industry which in turn led to the creation of the Comics Code which banned the use of violent images, certain words (such as "terror" and "zombies") and dictated that criminals must always be punished.  This nearly destroyed the comic book industry.

In researching modern graphic novels for use in classrooms, I have found some outstanding works of literature and art. Because of the prose, relevant topics and the illustrations, these books can and should be used to help visual learners learn to read. They are excellent vehicles for teaching social cognition (as kids can learn to better 'read' facial expressions), and are also excellent vehicles for teaching how to make inferences and abstract concepts. Many, however, contain varying degrees of violence.

As I read some of these gems (I Kill Giants - about a 5th grader's struggle to deal with her mother's cancer; Chinese Born American - about assimilation and Chinese culture; Laika - about the Soviet's sending the first sentient being - a dog into space - to name only a few of my favorites), I keep thinking what a loss it would be not to have these books.  Then I think of books like Lord of the Flies - (which I had to read for school) about kids stranded on a desert island who turn to cannibalism to save themselves or the Harry Potter series all chocked full of violence.  What about the local news broadcasts and nightly television shows or even the road rage we experience while carpooling?  The bottom line is that there violence is all around us. If we were to censor books, we would have to censor news, advertisements - everything.  I just don't see that happening.

The solution is that we have to teach our kids HOW to 'read' the violence on the screen and in print and How to address issues of violence and HOW best to respond.  The solution is not avoidance, it is how best to meet violence head on with alternative solutions.

Here are a few things we as parents and educators should do:

• Read violent books, view violent cartoons and shows together discussing the pros and cons of violence.  You might even want to discuss why the author chose to depict the scene that way. 
• Discuss the types of visual icons and images that illustrate violence and violent intent. Help them recognize the pre-violent' signals in facial expressions and posture.
• Discuss the character's alternatives - what could they have done to limit the violence.  How might they have resolved their conflicts without violence?
• Discuss alternative ways to respond to violence.
• Debate the censorship of violence in the media. 
• Discuss different ways to address rage.

I'd love to hear your response and what you are doing to address violence in your child's life.  How do you help your kids deal with violence in media, in books, and /or violence in their lives?