Investing in luck Or..Providing a Greater Sense of Freedom and Power

My mother says that luck entails being at the right place, at the right time, and using the right words.  Taking her advice at face value (which I do), I believe we can help stack our luck, invest in it, so to speak.  Here are some suggestions on how we can help our kids stack their luck as they navigate school and friends.  I'd love to hear some of your ideas.  Please read through and let me know what you do! 

Investing in Luck is two-fold.  One: prepare your child for what to expect.  Two: demonstrate, model and brainstorm how to navigate.  Teach your child to understand where to be and when, and how to navigate social, academic, and classroom situations.

Prepare yourself, prepare your child.  Preview, brainstorm and role play.  The hardest and most important part:  Keep your anxiety LOW.  This should be tension free - more like an intellectual exercise.  Note:  You cannot anticipate everything but feeling comfortable with options helps.

Scenario #1: New school.  Visit before it begins.  Explore together.  Walk through the halls, look in classrooms, the gym, playground, nurse's office, and school office.  Explain when and why s/he might need to go to the office. Play a game.  One type of game may be to take turns thinking of reasons to go there (either real life situations - you forgot your field trip permission slip, can you call home...or silly ones if your child seems tense - you just got accosted in the bathroom by a purple alien who was begging for a grimple).

Scenario #2: Having a parent conference with a teacher/school administrator.  

•  General or mid year conference:  Look through your child’s materials (school work, tests, doctor/specialist report, etc.).  Look for trends.  Do you like them?  If not, this is something to talk about.  Read teacher comments.  Any questions about them?  What about group placement? Does your child seem happy and eager to talk about his or her day in school?  If not, yep…another thing to discuss.

• Specific topic/IEP/Disciplinary Conference: Gather information (test results, school work, past reports, etc.).  Find out who you are meeting with.  Google them or ask friends about their experiences with them.  Review all materials relevant to the meeting (Please see my blog about IEP’s if appropriate).  You my want to bring an advocate with you if you are asking for particular services.  Any relevant medical and/or psychological reports…bring them too.

Scenario #3:  Your child is meeting with a teacher/administrator 

• Make sure he or she understands the issues (without passing judgements or raising anxiety).  Simply analyze and review what the factors are that brought him or her to this place and brainstorm options.  
• Once options have been brainstormed, role play.  Act out different scenarios.  Which one is your child most comfortable with?  Go with that one.  Have your child visualize this (it will help). Note:  don't over process, this will make your child anxious. Discuss, review, and move on (hugs help).
• Know that you cannot anticipate everything, but feeling comfortable with options helps. 
• Keep anxiety low.  Easier said than done, but super important.  Don’t let your fears/anxieties show and don’t over think. 
• Take cues from your child.  Don’t over think…just prepare.

Scenario #4: Big Report or Assignment Due.    

 Prepare.  As soon as you know of a major project or assignment:

• Break down the assignment into 'manageable' parts based on time available and on intellectual demands.
• Make sure there is a space for your child to work (see previous blog for more on this).
• Coordinate when to make library/supply trips.

Brainstorm.

•  Brainstorm different ways to approach the project.  Discuss what it entails, selecting the 'best choice' option.
• Break down the 'best choice' into 'executable' parts. [Make a check list together of what this involves that your child can refer to as s/he works.]
• Get everything down first, then later...refine and edit.
• Edit some more.  I know kids hate editing but I can't stress enough how important it is. The first round of editing should focus on word choices and whether their point is getting across clearly.  Do the sentences make sense?  The second round of editing should check spelling, grammar, word omissions or repetitions. The final round should simply be a read through with to make sure it all still makes sense.

[Note: you should not be doing this for all projects and assignments.  Do this for the first ones of the year or for the newer larger ones your child may feel overwhelmed about or for a project/paper your child has not previous experience with.]

Scenario #5:  Social interactions.  I cannot stress enough how important it is to prepare your child for social situations.   Regardless of where your child is, playground, classroom, school bus, play date, cafeteria, mall, etc., there are your child must keep s/he must learn how to stand, sit, speak, interact appropriately with others.  Here are some suggestions on how to stack their "luck" when interacting with others:

• Validate feelings but point out realities (see previous blog for more).
• Brainstorm what may or may not have happened to contribute to the situation- to better understand it.
• Discuss word choices and tones of voice.
• Discuss concept of space and of respecting the space of others.
• Discuss boundaries (setting them and accepting them).
• Brainstorm options.
• Practice/role play best and worst case scenarios.

These are just some ideas and scenarios.. what do you think?  What do you do?

How Providing Space Can Help Your Child Achieve the Infinite...and feel BIG!

To all my friends and followers:  I have found two wonderful blogs http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com  http://themethursday.blogspot.com
Each week a theme is posted and we are challenged to address it.  It is a lot of fun and I hope to be participating in it on a regular basis: accepting its intellectual challenge, while posting what I hope you will find interesting and provocative.  This week's theme:  Space and the infinite and Big.  I am attempting to combine the two.

Two images (both from books) come to my mind as I contemplate 'a sense of space':

• Virginia Woolf's "A Room of One's Own" - I think about it all the time and how important it is to have this space I call mine - a space to explore, accept, reject, manipulate, rest and create.
• There is a wonderful picture book "Five Minutes Peace" where all a mother elephant wants is ...five minutes peace!  Even when soaking in the bath...

In terms of "Big": Everyone needs to feel "big," special, and in control and our kids are no exception.  Whether they are competitive or not, they are placed in situations all the time where their work, their ideas, their physical prowess are compared to others.  We, as parents and educators need to help them feel "big".  One way is to respect their ideas, presentations, and quirks, and another is to foster a sense of self, which can be done by giving them 'space.' 

Kids need a sense of space at home and in school:

• A place that is safe;
• A place they can work and manipulate curriculum materials;
• A place they can let their minds wander to absorb something said or seen from the corner of their eyes;
• A place where they can explore "Who am I?" "How does what I know and how I feel fit in with this?" "How do I react to...?"   
• A place to heal (when needed), to absorb, to brainstorm, to plan...
• A sense of space is needed to navigate around the school building, the gym and locker rooms, the playground, the neighborhood.  Kids have to know where they should and should not be - for all sorts of safety and social reasons.
• A sense of space is needed when negotiating math concepts when playing with lego's blocks, train tracks, toys, books, and arranging clothing in drawers and closets.

How do can space and the infinite meet?

When a child has a sense and feels the security of space, he or she will be able to take more intellectual risks.  They will be able to more comfortably embrace "the infinite" world around them, "the infinite" possibilities in front of them.

What can you do?

• Help your child create his or her own space at home.  If they share a room with a sibling, work with them to design and create their space.  Maybe it means a tent (of sheets, chairs, or an their own camping tent); maybe it means a desk (with or without a screen).  As each kid is different their design will be different too.  
• Help your child create a sense of space in school.  This can be helping provide materials to decorate a desk or a locker, maybe even decorating a book bag, or book cover.
• Help your child learn to create a mental space into which they can retreat for brief moments when necessary to think, maybe to retreat to before impulsively reacting, maybe to retreat to when in need of energy or courage... 

How do you create your sense of space?  How do you help your kids create their space?  I hope you'll share and brainstorm with us.




Space and the power of infinite possibilities ... what a wonderful way to grow up learning about the world and exploring your place in it!